


we were meant to be stargazers

by Pyrosane



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-14
Updated: 2014-08-04
Packaged: 2018-02-04 14:41:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1782658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pyrosane/pseuds/Pyrosane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Barnes has old habits but they do not include drinking warm orange juice, no matter how suspiciously Barton smiles and how rapidfire Stark can be with his words.<br/>The thing about the Avengers is that they would like James to be Bucky again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

There is a sidewalk where he stands, overlooking hot pavement and age-old gum. It gives off heat in rolling waves, turning the air thick with summertime. He smells flowers and gasoline.

There is a winding path behind an impossible city. It is too large, blocking his lungs and making him breathe in dull aches. He sees gray smoke and a bridge that clogs his vision, half lidded eyes sleepy with just one thought beneath: Home. Brooklyn is home.

It is something about feelings, and he remembers a warmth along with a fall, twice, both times taken to save another life. The first was into snow capped mountains but the second was into a river, the Potomac, hazy and tinged with the metallic hue of blood.

Only, he has no reason to fall anymore.

The only reason he has now, -being- is the window he finds himself standing in front of. The face staring back at him is not his own. It belongs instead to a chimerical smile, lips the same violent shade of hair just as red, and he can’t bring himself to run when the face moves to stare up at him by his side.

“I think I know you,” she says. He listens as he turns but he does not comprehend. Doesn't he know her, too? “You tried to kill me. In case you forgot.”

Everyone he recognizes seems to be a failed mission these days. A face here and there and a life he accidentally spared, because his left arm is not his own and the rest of him is only human.

He doesn’t respond.

She tries again.

“What’s your mission?,” she asks. It is not as easy to answer as it seems.

“The Captain.”

“But is it?,” she presses.

“Yes.” He sets his jaw and steels himself the way Pierce had told him to, so long ago, _weakness is just another sign of failure_.

“Good. The two of you can fight it out, then.” He almost asks what she means but she is already walking away, and his thumbs find their place on a pair of goggles, not much different from the ones he used to wear. He remembers now. She cracked them. “Thought your eyes may hurt.” At his confused look, she stops walking. “Don’t worry, they’re vintage,” he hears her call out, and he follows.

“Where are we going?” he asks.

“To the future.” He feels something tug at the back of his throat and the sun is suddenly brighter than ever. He slips on the goggles, and he breathes again.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Stark Tower is bigger in person. It is a mammoth, only slightly less impressive than Pierce himself, and a lot less imposing. But it is much brighter, and he feels uncomfortable but he does not feel scared, not like the way he does near Pierce.

She catches him staring and when he looks away, she smiles but does not say anything. He could kill her now, he could, but he gets the distinct feeling she would fight back harder than she did last time, and maybe he couldn’t kill her, he couldn’t. Shouldn’t. She is not his mission. His mission is the Captain.

He learns that her name is Natasha, and he tries the name on his tongue but not aloud. It feels strange. He has never learned the names of his targets before he killed them, or worse, tried to and failed.

And his name?

He has no name, but he wants one. Maybe it is Bucky, but it does not feel right, not when he and Bucky share the same faces but not the same memories and, most importantly, not the same smiles.

So he thinks and thinks but all he can fathom are _Rogers, Steve_ and then _Pierce, Alexander_. The first is palpable and it is familiar, but the latter leaves a foreign taste that he swallows in disgust.

 


	3. Chapter 3

His room has potted plants, but not much else. Everything is either white or black and he remembers a time when colors were all that mattered, a red, white, and blue he would have died for, did die for. Glimpses of a flag wrapped tight around a temper in his chest as he tried to quell the pride in a country he knows he loved, but fought against for decades and decades.

“I’ll get you some posters, if you want. You ever listen to the Spice Girls?” Natasha is standing in his doorway and he clears his throat, to which she says "or not. Just don’t get into pop punk. Clint and I have a bet.” Again, she walks away, but this time he does not follow.

 


	4. Chapter 4

It is days before he sees anyone.

It is days before he gets out of the room and explores the rest of the space, an entire floor to call his own. Still, old habits stick like bad memories and he finds himself cowering and curling, doing whatever to make himself as small as possible. _You’re supposed to be a ghost, so start acting like one_. It is easier that way, especially in the night, when he feels like he is going to sink right through the soft fabric and fall into the floor. Sometimes, it keeps him up for hours and he twists and turns like he has an itch that he can’t quite scratch.

That is, until the roof-man.

His name is Clint.

Clint likes birds, archery, Natasha, and appearing without being invited. Clint shows up at 3 a.m. at Bucky’s (Bucky’s?) floor with a faded purple blanket and before Bucky can say anything, Clint asks, “so, how’s a roof sound to you?”

Bucky is tense the whole way up on the elevator. He eyes Clint warily as Clint sips from a mug, and Bucky idly wonders why Clint would drink something so hot on a day that was so atrociously sticky, but Clint admits that it is orange juice and that “Natasha and I have a bet. Well, we did. I won.” Clint is the first to step off the elevator, a triumphant smile on his face as Bucky trails him, lost but no longer tense.

The night sky is incredible.

It is just like he has always imagined it, from those rare glimpses caught in between missions, from moving trains and under tin-can roofs. The city ends below him and the stars start above. They scathe him, scathe him, make him an innocent boy who has never seen war.

“Amazing, isn’t it? I come up here when I can’t sleep. I figured you would have the same issue. It’s not just you; the beds here really are too soft.” Clint inches closer to Bucky and they almost rub shoulders, almost. But Clint continues sipping from his mug like nothing is wrong and Bucky realizes just how badly he wants it, the contact, some assurance that he can touch and be touched without there being a trail of blood, a scream, a hard slap to the face that makes him feel invalid.

Bucky doesn’t move and neither does Clint, but the stars continue to shine and the distance between him and the archer hums with the sounds of the city, electric and alive.


	5. Chapter 5

A week passes and finally, Bucky finds out just what the bet between Natasha and Clint was. A week passes and finally, Bucky is forced out of his floor by his arm, the left, which becomes more of an impairment than a limb. Natasha is the one who comes by and when she notices the bleeding before he does, thin red lines separating the weapon from the person, she immediately calls for Stark and he grows hesitant but lets her. She is not the mission. The mission is the Captain.

So he is whisked into a lab and he meets the spitting image of a man he once knew, a man he once killed, _Stark, Howard_. But this man is not that man because this man is a sharp tongue and witty banter. This man is far more broken and Bucky notices but chooses not to say anything as this man introduces himself as _Stark, Tony, The_ , and proceeds to ask Bucky if his name is Death Metal.

For the first time since becoming what he is, Bucky regrets taking a life. He silently apologizes to Tony for the death of Howard Stark and feels genuine remorse as Tony looks upon his arm in avid fascination but never any judgment.

“You’ve got a meaner swing than the rock of ages.” Bucky raises an eyebrow but doesn’t respond, to which Tony tells him that he’ll be caught up, soon. Someday. “You missed a lot but not too much. Blueberry?”

Bucky wonders if Tony Stark knows what Howard Stark’s last words were. Bucky does, and he decides that he will never tell unless Tony asks.

 

**Author's Note:**

> A long time ago, I did this crazy thing called sleeping before obscene hours in the morning.


End file.
